Saturday, April 16, 2011

Time Fly's

April 16th...when did that happen?!?  I looked at something with today's date on it and thought it was "obviously" couldn't be any later then the 8th or 9th could it?!  Yeepers, where have I been because I sure don't know.  *puzzled look*

A few things have been going on and I guess that's thrown me off.  Living at the residential centre is rough at times...and I got to the point I was really slipping and going downhill into a depression and engaging some not very great coping methods.  I decided I needed a break.  A time away to try to review the situation and what my priorities are right now.  I needed to step away...and it has helped.  Thankfully staff at the centre were okay with me making this decision and I am still able to go back...and I will...probably tomorrow. 

Time away has been great.  I am getting back on track and will have some decisions to make but I can do it safely and in a more supportive way...I can make it my choice...and not go down the road of losing my housing again due to mental health and some of the not so great coping methods I have learned along life's journey. 

The day I left, I was pretty close to getting kicked out of the centre, instead I talked to the staff and decided a time away would be beneficial.  I didn't really want to come to my parents house, but in this case it was the best option.  I've been able to start making healthy responsible choices again without a stay in the hospital.  I decided I probably won't stick out the entire year there but I will try to finish at least the 6 months.  I've decided buying a new laptop is no longer my top priority as far as "needs" go right now and am planning to use the savings towards a new living arrangement.  I will attempt to make it to programs at the centre (which are mandatory but I struggle with attending), but I'm not going to stress myself out about them because that just means I will miss more.  I will work with my case worker at options for housing and start with the applications.  There are still supportive living options, and for a reduced rent (30% of income) so I will apply to those.  It may not be ideal but for were I am in life right now that is my best option for the near future.  Still my time at the Centre hasn't been a waste...I've learned things about myself, and it is a great program, it just isn't for everyone.  I gave it a try.  I will continue to try for a while to come...just not for as long as I originally intended.  It's not worth losing my sanity over.  I've paid off some of my debt and put money into savings and go to dental appointments.  When I move I'll probably have to stop paying on my student loans again, and money will be tighter, especially if I don't crawl out of the credit card debt soon...but I'm almost there. 

So, that means, in the next few months I will be looking at moving AGAIN which will make 6 times in less then 1 year.  Yikes!  And none of what I said above was what I was planning to talk about in my blog today, but I guess that's where I've my mind...battling positive vs negative, healthy vs unhealthy, etc.