Tuesday, December 29, 2009

New Years Blessing

To any of you who are reading this blog here is a card for you (it will take you to crosscards.com):

New Year's Blessing
   click on above

Happy New Year and may 2010 be a wonderful and blessed year for you and yours.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

New Boots

See these boots that I wrote about here...

well, I didn't win any BUT I found this exact pair on the Soft Moc website at a discounted cost! So...Mrs Clause (aka Mom) told me to order them and that her and Santa (aka Dad) will cover some of the cost. Woohoo! I had to wait a few days for them to arrive, and I saved shipping and handling by having them delivered to the Soft Moc store at the mall instead of to my address which would've ended up with me taking a trip to the mall anyway to the post office to get them. LOL. So I'm so happy. I still need to spray protect them before I wear them out anywhere but my feets are happy they have nice new non-leaking boots. :)

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

A Little Inspiration and an Easy Christmas Craft

I'm having a hard time these days and coming up with anything to blog about hasn't been at the top of my priorities.

I wanted to take time though to share a couple pics.  One is from the calendar hanging in my bedroom:

give thanks for all that is good - kindness, patience, trust, laughter

It reminds me to be thankful no matter what, in all circumstances, good and bad and to praise the Lord anyhow.  But boy, oh boy, that sure isn't easy some days.  Sometimes the best I can do is thank Him that I'm not where I was this time last year...but I still catch myself grumbling about how awful *this* (depression) feels.  I'm trying to stay positive though.

The craft I mentioned is a really simple one.  My sister used to make them and I used to be fascinated with them when I was little.  They are Candy Cane Reindeer.

You can find a tutorial with a quick google search for candy cane reindeer or just click here.  You'll see that I did the antlers different the pretty any of the tutorials you can find...but it's simple.  Just put the pipe cleaner on the reindeer...make sure the candy cane is in the middle, then twist the pipe cleaner a couple times to make sure it will stay put and each "antler" around a pen and remove the pen.  Also, a lot of tutorials recommend hot glue...I just use regular white glue.  You do have to watch though...sometimes the eyes will start to slide or the nose will fall off.  Once they've stayed put for about 30-60 seconds they usually are okay.

Hopefully that made a little sense but I'm thinking the picture should be fairly self explanatory.  Sadly, this is one of the few things I'm managing to accomplish these days and at times it's even a struggle to do these but at least I'm working at it.  That's more then I could say last year.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Supporting TWLOHA and a Celebration of Sorts

I know, at least I think, that in a past entry I mentioned my struggles with mental health, depression, crisis, suicidal thoughts, attempts, self harm...all that kind of heavy stuff that right now I'd rather shove under the blanket and not mention again...especially with the holidays coming up.  However, knowing that the holidays are often the toughest time for people I think it's that much more important to bring these things into the open and talk about them.

There is a cause I want to help raise awareness of that helps people that struggle with some of the above issues and more...like addiction.  You'll notice I added a little something to my left sidebar asking you to help me support To Write Love on Her Arms (TWLOHA).  Here is a copy of their mission statement copied and pasted directly from their site:

To Write Love on Her Arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide.  TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery.

And here is a link to their story and how the TWLOHA movement got started: STORY

If you'd like to help support this cause, and I hope you do, please follow my link and complete the however many of the activities you are able.  By using my link you'll help me gain points which will in turn help TWLOHA.


In my title for this entry I mentioned a celebration.  You may be wondering what I meant by that.  Well, I will be honest...I am celebrating because since April 2008 I have been keeping track of when I've cut.  Yeah I know, gruesome topic, but so many do this and hide it that I want it to be in the open...I want their to be awareness. 

Anyway, in that time I've had multiple "relapses" but today marks 157 days since the last time I cut and in my time of tracking this that is the longest I have gone so it is quite an accomplishment.  Self harm is something that at one time had a lot of control over my life.  I didn't know how to cope with emotion of any type, happy or sad, and as a side effect of that I would find ways to hurt myself.  The smallest thing would upset me to tears, and it would be stupid really, but because of that emotion I thought I needed to be punished, I thought I should die but the only thing I could do was hurt myself.  I have attempted suicide, I have been close to death, I've been told I shouldn't still be alive, but I AM.  And while I still struggle it's not to the same degree it once was.  So because of my experiences I want to make sure to raise as much awareness of these issues as possible and to make sure I support causes such as TWLOHA! 

I want people to know that there is hope and that yes, the journey is painful, but it is worth it.  Life is worth it, YOU are worth it!  But it takes work, even when you feel like you have nothing left to give and for me it took prayer and acceptance that yes their is a God who cares but that some things happen to make us stronger and to prosper us.   "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

My celebration is just that, a celebration of life, of each day even if it is a struggle, a celebration that I can say it's been 157 since the last time I cut and nearly 11 months since the last time I needed to be in the hospital because of my depression.  A celebration that with each time we awake we can start again.  And even as I'm writing this I am struggling with another depressive episode but I can look back and acknowledge that progress has been made and that while the feelings I have right now are horribly uncomfortable they will pass in time.