Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Trust Me

Trust Me! Those are the words that keep echoing in my head.

I have struggled with sleep issues for years and with getting my relationship with the Lord back on track. I've also struggled with mental health issues. Lately, sleep is the big thing. I'll toss and turn for 4-5 hours and not be able to sleep even though I'm too tired to keep my eyes open. I fear that if I don't sleep I'll struggle more with my mental health issues which actually are on the right track for once. That's been my downfall before.

So I often catch myself pleading and begging God to give me a full nights sleep or saying okay Lord I'll do this more IF, or if You let me sleep I'll do this for You and last night I was struck with the realization that if I'm truly, TRULY, going to trust HIM then I've got to let go of the conditions and stipulations and stop pleading and begging and just TRUST! No ifs, no ands, no buts. No should have, could have, would have. No more yes Lord but...which is the exactly what I've been doing.

Part of my prayer after I realized this....Lord help me to trust You fully. I know You have it all in Your control and I thank You for that.

I'm realizing that my sleepless nights are often when I talk to Him most. Maybe that's why I'm having such trouble sleeping. I don't talk to Him all day and then expect Him to give me my way at night. No, that's not how it works. He wants a relationship with me and I want one with Him so I'm either going to have to start putting an effort in during the day or give up my nights to spend time with Him.