Thursday, February 19, 2009

Absence

I haven't written in a bit. I haven't had any magical inspirational moments or come across anything I felt needed to be posted so today I am writing just because as I'm going to be away for a while. I'm going on vacation in a couple days and will be gone until March. But I will be back God willing.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Trust Me

Trust Me! Those are the words that keep echoing in my head.

I have struggled with sleep issues for years and with getting my relationship with the Lord back on track. I've also struggled with mental health issues. Lately, sleep is the big thing. I'll toss and turn for 4-5 hours and not be able to sleep even though I'm too tired to keep my eyes open. I fear that if I don't sleep I'll struggle more with my mental health issues which actually are on the right track for once. That's been my downfall before.

So I often catch myself pleading and begging God to give me a full nights sleep or saying okay Lord I'll do this more IF, or if You let me sleep I'll do this for You and last night I was struck with the realization that if I'm truly, TRULY, going to trust HIM then I've got to let go of the conditions and stipulations and stop pleading and begging and just TRUST! No ifs, no ands, no buts. No should have, could have, would have. No more yes Lord but...which is the exactly what I've been doing.

Part of my prayer after I realized this....Lord help me to trust You fully. I know You have it all in Your control and I thank You for that.

I'm realizing that my sleepless nights are often when I talk to Him most. Maybe that's why I'm having such trouble sleeping. I don't talk to Him all day and then expect Him to give me my way at night. No, that's not how it works. He wants a relationship with me and I want one with Him so I'm either going to have to start putting an effort in during the day or give up my nights to spend time with Him.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Urine (You're In) Trouble Now


This isn't typically what I want to post in this blog but I came across this unusual candle on Etsy and I can't help but wonder if a nurse or doctor would like this or find it offensive. Yes, it's a urine sample candle (not actual urine I presume). Having worked in a medical environment and being interested in medicine I find this oddly amusing, but maybe I'm just odd. What do you think?!

And just in case the link I tried to put in the photo doesn't work, here is the link to the actual item on Etsy. http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=18799629

And a link to the actual shop: www.horrordecor.etsy.com

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Brief Testimony

I had a fairly "normal" childhood (at least I think so) and grew up involved in church but as a teenager I made the choice that I wanted to do things my way. Well, that didn't really work out...not that being a Christian and living my life for God is a walk in the park. Far from it. I struggle with major depression and borderline personality disorder. I've spent probably the better part of half my life feeling suicidal and even made some serious attempts. I also struggle with self-harm. Doctors and nurses tell me I shouldn't medically be alive because of what I've done, but I'm standing here today as a living testament to what God can do. Yes, I still struggle at times, but I know He is in control and He sees a bigger picture and has a plan for my life and He will bring good from my experiences. For that I thank Him. If I'm meant to struggle with this so that someday my life, my story, can help someone else, I will pick up my cross and carry it and I will praise Him. I may lose sight at times, I may get knocked down, but I am a child of God and I'm no longer ashamed to admit it.